


Born Again

by av_versiera



Category: K-pop, Super Junior
Genre: Ethics, Kind of under age in a way, M/M, Medical Experimentation, Mild Smut, Thriller, techinically they are still the same age
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-26 17:44:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19010710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/av_versiera/pseuds/av_versiera
Summary: In a time full of possibilities in the name of science: never mess with the order of the natural world.





	1. Foreword

“Hyukjae-ah,” Donghae calls softly. He couldn’t raise his voice, or else the dam that he built in defense for his feelings would come rushing out.

 

He could not hear him. The love of his life is gone, underneath this brown earth, where in years, it will grow grass and flowers, forgetting the day that it took in another body that was once loved and so treasured.

 

The sky rumbles again, and this time, the world is covered with a sudden darkness, accompanied by a harsh downpour. Water trickles down Donghae’s face, warm and stingy.

 

Rest in Peace

Lee Hyukjae, Beloved Son and Lover


	2. When the devil knocks on your door

Donghae crouched down, the fresh grave rough and dark. The people around him slowly trickled out, getting themselves as far as possible from the death that lingers around Donghae. The dark sky rumbles, brewing for a storm. The air is charged with something hot and intense, and it makes Donghae want to rip off his clothes that were too sticky on his skin. Flowers lie on his feet, saturated despite the red and purple colors that were so vivid earlier.

 

Donghae grits his teeth, refusing the tears that are building, keeping them in there. He can’t be weak at a time like this.

 

“Hyukjae-ah,” Donghae calls softly. He couldn’t raise his voice, or else the dam that he built in defense for his feelings would come rushing out.

 

He could not hear him. The love of his life is gone, underneath this brown earth, where in years, it will grow grass and flowers, forgetting the day that it took in another body that was once loved and so treasured.

 

The sky rumbles again, and this time, the world is covered with a sudden darkness, accompanied by a harsh downpour. Water trickles down Donghae’s face, warm and stingy.

 

Rest in Peace

Lee Hyukjae, Beloved Son and Lover

 

The sky cracks open, sending flashes of light and darkness across the world.

 

~

 

A knock comes from the outside of his door, but Donghae ignores it. He hears Siwon and Heechul on the other side, threatening to kick down his door for the thousandth time, but Donghae doesn’t budge from Hyukjae’s spot on their bed, so his two friends had no choice but to turn back and leave the food and other necessities that they brought him on his doorstep.

 

Donghae buries his face on the sheets, inhaling Hyukjae’s scent on it. He refuses to change it or wash it.

 

The clock ticks loudly, echoing in the dark room.

 

Shadows pass through Donghae’s window, indicating the times of the day, another one where Hyukjae isn’t in his life.

 

He doesn’t do anything to the house, doesn’t pack away Hyukjae’s things and the little trace that he left since he was a clean freak. He refuses to admit his absence.

 

Especially when there could have been a chance that Hyukjae could live.

 

Donghae shouldn’t have turned his back, even for a moment. He shouldn’t have let him out of his sight, and maybe, Donghae could have saved him.

 

~

 

Sometimes, Donghae thinks he can hear Hyukjae laughing outside their bedroom door. Or humming in that soft voice of his. He would hear him moving around in their small kitchen that can barely fit two people, but it’s theirs and Donghae wouldn’t exchange it for anything better.

 

He wishes that it could be true, that Hyukjae would haunt him as long as he can feel his presence.

 

Donghae sighs wearily. He stopped counting a long time ago, but it seems like he only lost Hyukjae yesterday.

 

~

 

After the first spring rain came, Donghae gives the outside world another chance. He takes his time showering, and picking out an outfit, and then opting to skip breakfast because usually, Hyukjae would be there to cook him one. He slips into his shoes, noticing that Hyukjae’s things are starting to collect dust.

 

Donghae sighs sadly, and he opens his door slowly. The outside air hits him; the sweet, crisp scent of the air after a rainfall. Donghae wants to turn back and close the door, but a piece of paper had blown into his doorstep, catching his attention.

 

He scrutinizes the paper, and then he picks it up. Donghae studies the information on it, and he feels a huge weight lifting from his shoulders.

 

The Science of Necromancy: It’s not just a fairytale

 

Our world is advancing quickly. Scientists and doctors all over the world have made amazing breakthroughs in salvaging DNA... We are at an age….

 

There is a way.

 

~

 

Sungmin frowns at Donghae, who he hadn’t seen ever since his brother passed away years ago. He studies the other, who has dirt caked on his face, and mud on his boots and the hem of his pants.

 

Sungmin didn’t even get to say one word when Donghae had rushed him out of the house, through the city’s crowded metro with stone faces, and on the ferry to get across the river. Sungmin follows his brother’s lover as they make their way towards a gray building, and they enter it. Sungmin grabs Donghae’s arm like a disobedient kid, and stops him from proceeding further.

 

“Donghae, what are you doing?” Sungmin interrogates, his voice hardening like never before.

 

Donghae tears his arm away. “What am I doing? While you all turn the other way because Hyukjae died?”

Sungmin’s eyes widened. “How dare you? He was my brother!” He snaps.

 

Donghae glares at Sungmin. “I love him!” He shouted, his voice echoing in the white entrance way. “Why does it feel like I’m the only one who is mourning him?”

 

Sungmin backs down, but he meets Donghae straight into his eyes. “He’s dead, Donghae. There’s nothing we could do.” He suddenly feels afraid seeing this unhinged side of Donghae.

 

“Yes there is,” Donghae growls lowly. “And you will help me.”

 

Sungmin bites his lips. “What are you talking about?”

 

Donghae takes out the crumpled paper from his pocket. Sungmin opens it up, straightening it out. HIs face changes in shock as he read the words on it. 

 

“Donghae, this is a fucking scam.”

“It’s not,” Donghae insisted. He taps on the paper desperately. “He can come back to us.” He takes out a bone from the inside of his coat, and Sungmin’s eyes bulges out of his forehead.

 

“What’s that?” Sungmin asks cautiously.

“Hyukjae’s femur,” Donghae replies casually. He also produces a ziploc bag of hair and nails. 

Sungmin gapes at the man. “Hyukjae’s what?”

“I need your blood as well,” Donghae adds, like he’s listing a grocery list.

 

Sungmin heaves a sigh. He should do this for Donghae, so he can get on with his life. Even if it doesn’t work. The fact that Donghae went as far as digging up Hyukjae’s grave and dismantling his body is...disturbing.

 

“I’ll do it,” Sungmin finally said. If this will make Donghae stop from going down this path.

 

Donghae’s dark eyes implored him, and it unsettles Sungmin so much. It’s like Donghae had been awake for a long time, and he’s drinking all kinds of stimulants to keep awake. He looked a bit crazy.

 

Sungmin was dragged forward, letting the younger follow through his decision.


	3. Creatio ex profundis

Donghae swings the sleeping baby boy in his arms, lulling him to sleep. He hums a random tune, and the baby’s eyes closed willingly. Donghae smiles at the baby lovingly and kisses the top of his forehead. The baby fusses a little, his boyish face a little deformed, but the doctors say that it will disappear as he grows up. It will morph into a more familiar one.

 

Donghae didn’t care. He loves him already.

 

“Hyukjae-ah,” Donghae murmurs. “Grow up well and strong. I will love you and protect you, so don’t worry about the bad things in this world.”

 

~

 

With a tiny hand enclosed inside his fist, Donghae leads a tinier Hyukjae towards their new house. His small footsteps made an effort to match the taller man, but Donghae accommodates patiently, guiding his shaky steps forward. A smile played on his lips as the child frowns frustratingly.

 

“Dada!” He raises his arms up.

 

Donghae sighs fondly and he picks him up into his arms, and enters through the door. He scans the interior, deeming it good enough for the two of them, despite the small space. He sits Hyukjae on the floor, making sure to clear any hazards and then he made his way out to fetch their things from the car.

 

When their families found out what he’s done, they rejected the two of them, and Donghae had no choice but to move far away. At least, in this new place, Hyukjae can be safe and grow up into a loving environment. He doesn't need anything else. Donghae is already there for him; he can be everything for him.

 

Donghae takes out Hyukjae’s toys from a specific box and sets it around the little boy to keep him busy. Hyukjae takes a toy in his hand, the one with the cubes with shapes all around it, and he turns it, his curious gaze observing the surface. Content that he can be left alone, Donghae started bringing in their things inside their new home. He lugs in boxes and suitcases, but there weren’t much since it was just the two of them.

 

When he was done, he finds Hyukjae in the same spot, his attention trained on another toy of his-the music box. Donghae sits down with him, and he hunches forward to stare at Hyukjae.

 

Knowing about how the original Hyukjae looked as a toddler, Donghae felt happy that this tiny Hyukjae is beginning to look a lot like his predecessor. Someday, he’ll be able to meet the same face again.

 

“Do you want to help me with dinner?” Donghae asks the child gently.

The child blinks at him innocently, his huge eyes that are too big for his face peering at him in a focused way. He grins, like he knows what Donghae is asking him and started blabbering in his own language, lost from Donghae’s comprehension.

 

Donghae chuckles and pinches his big ears that seemed to weigh down his head softly, and then picks him up so that they can go to the kitchen.

 

“Let’s go!” Donghae exclaims, lightly tossing him in the air. “What do you want?”

“Sow-bewwy!”

 

Donghae throws his head back in joy. “Strawberries?”

“Hm!”

“But that’s just fruit! You need your rice and your meat.”

 

Hyukjae whines in his arms, fussing a little.

 

Donghae pats his back comfortingly. “Okay, okay.”

 

Donghae sets Hyukjae on top of the counter, his tiny feet dangling over. “Stay right there, okay?”

 

Hyukjae stays still, peering curiously at the floor. Donghae turns his back to fetch the newly bought strawberries, but suddenly, he hears a thud. He whirls around in fear and in a second, he hears Hyukjae crying on the floor.

 

Donghae’s heart dropped and he forgets everything at the moment. He immediately rushes to the crying boy and he picks him up.

 

“Daddy!” Hyukjae cried.

Donghae sways his body, trying to comfort him. “Shh, shh, it’s my fault, I’m sorry.”

 

Donghae rubs his back, rocking him, trying anything to soothe him. He kisses Hyukjae’s face, whispering sorry to him over and over.

 

Hyukjae settles down, his small head against Donghae’s shoulder.

 

Donghae flinches as he feels something sharp on his shoulder. It was warm, and wet, and it wouldn’t let go.

 

“Hyukjae,” Donghae calls, trying not to raise his voice.

 

The kid keeps biting him.

 

“Hyukkie, come on,” Donghae said, this time, trying to remove Hyukjae away from him. He would not budge, and the pain-it can compare to being bitten by a dog.

 

“Hyukjae!” Donghae snapped. He forces the kid off of him and sets him down.

 

The kid squints at him curiously, watching his reaction. He is calm, unlike other kids who might have cried when yelled at. His dark eyes follow his every move like a hawk, and Donghae backs away a little, until he hits the counter behind him.

 

“You can’t do that, Hyukjae,” Donghae reprimands.

 

Hyukjae laughs, the way a toddler would at a cartoon show.

 

~

 

They said that Hyukjae will develop faster than a normal kid.

 

Two years ago, Hyukjae was just an infant. Now, he’s at an age where he can go to elementary. Donghae brings him to the playground in the afternoons after his job at the local newspaper, so that Hyukjae can meet kids and ease into school. The boy hasn’t had any other human contact, other than him.

 

He occasionally glanced at Hyukjae, who is actively running around with the other kids, though it seems like they are running away from him. On his lap, he has his journal open to a blank page, unadorned with ideas.

 

He crosses his legs, and watched as Hyukjae helped a little girl up after she tripped.

 

Donghae smiles at the sight.

 

A woman sits beside him, and she turns his way.

 

“Single dad?” She inquires, gesturing towards Hyukjae’s way.

 

Donghae glances at her, a bit surprised.

 

She smiles. “It’s okay. I don’t judge. You kinda give off that vibe anyway.”

 

Donghae chews on his lip and he leans back on the bench. “So, uh, what brings you here?”

The lady chuckles. “I’m also a single mom.”

 

Donghae nods, awkward. He doesn’t really know what to say.

 

“Is he your kid?”

 

Donghae tracks Hyukjae’s movements, and he gestures towards him. "Yeah," he says with hesitation.

 

“Aww, he’s adorable!” The lady exclaims. “What grade is he in?”

 

Donghae chews his lip, a bit nervous. “Um, first?”

 

Hyukjae stops playing with the other children, and he turns towards Donghae with a concentrated face. The child wasn’t quite looking at him, and his gaze is turned towards the lady sitting beside Donghae. He looks very displeased, like his favorite toy was taken away from him.

 

Donghae watches him, trying to pin needles and thumbtacks his way so that he can stay where he is.

 

Suddenly, Hyukjae gets shoved to the ground roughly, his thin frame looking like a mangled pile of bones.

 

Donghae stands up, alert.

 

There were bigger kids surrounding Hyukjae’s tiny frame, and Donghae can hear them insulting him.

 

“Freak!” Someone says. “Look at you, you look like you came from those lab experiments!”

 

Donghae walks over, but he sees Hyukjae slowly stand up. The cold look on his face made him freeze.

 

“What are you going to do about it, punk?” Another spat. “Call your daddy?”

 

Donghae begins to walk towards Hyukjae again, but suddenly, Hyukjae lunges forward with unsurmountable speed, his beautiful doe eyes dark and cynical-abnormal for such an innocent looking child. Hyukjae crashes his head against one of the kids, who ended up falling on the ground.

 

The kid tears up, clutching his head.

 

Hyukjae stares at him, apathetic. He brings his leg forward and kicks the kid hard on the stomach.

 

“Hey!” Donghae shouted. “Hyukjae, that’s enough!”

 

A kid takes a rock and he throws it at Hyukjae’s head. Hyukjae doesn’t cry out, but he does go to the ground.

 

"Hey! Who are your mothers?!" Donghae yelled after them. They scattered, running in several directions.

 

The children that bullied Hyukjae ran away, and Donghae crouches in front of Hyukjae, whose temple is bleeding. Dark blood trickles down the side of his face, slowly to his jaw. Some were just above his eyebrow, making its way on his eyelids, almost covering his eye.

 

Hyukjae stares straight into Donghae’s eyes as the elder wiped some of the blood away from his vision. He takes Donghae’s hand with both of his tiny ones, and he presses his thumbs into his palm.

 

And he smiles, as if nothing had happened.


	4. Aphorism

One morning, Donghae steps out into the porch to inhale some fresh air. The sea washes against the shore in a consistent rhythm, and immediately, Donghae feels at ease. He closes his eyes and he sips his morning coffee. In his opinion, this is the best part of being secluded in an area like this. He has a calm view, and it was silent. There was a time when he hated the quiet because it meant that he was alone, but now, Hyukjae is in his life again, and he’s never been happier. His mornings are brighter, and noisier. A lot more occupied than before.

The soft sea breeze brushes against his skin, and he takes a deep breath.

 

However, he notices a putrid smell. He happens to look down and he frowns, noticing bird feathers on the front porch.

 

He kicks them off with his slippers, trying to find the source. Black, blurred objects littered the sand and Donghae walks down the stairs to have a clear view.

 

He sees dark blood against the white sand, and the sea blows in a metal smell. He scans his view and he notices birds on the sand. And they were all bent and twisted. They were all dead. Donghae almost lets go of his coffee mug. He sees a mangled corpse of the bird without its head, and its body contents lay on the sand.

 

Donghae bends over, feeling the urge to throw up. It might just be his imagination, but he can hear giggling around him. The sound seem to appear beside him and disappear, only to be heard from far away. Donghae surveys his surroundings and gags.

 

There were so many birds.

 

~

 

A storm rages outside, which was nothing new to this town. Donghae glances at his side, where the boy, who now looks about ten years old, is pressed against him. The storm knocks outside of their house violently, trying to force its way in. Lights flickered, and Hyukjae makes a noise. Donghae chuckles and he puts the book in his hand away and settled closer to Hyukjae. He wraps his arms around the younger, and tucks him closer.

 

The water rattles against their window, and Hyukjae whines.

 

“I’m here, I’m here,” Donghae murmurs, rubbing circles on his back. “You know, you were never afraid of storms…”

 

Hyukjae glances up, his eyes asking a question.

 

Donghae shakes his head as if to dismiss his thought, and he adjusts the blanket around Hyukjae. 

 

“It’s so loud,” Hyukjae says in his soft voice.

“Of course, it’s nature. It demands attention,” Donghae muses.

 

“Dad?”

 

Donghae winces as if he’d been stung. It won’t be long until Hyukjae has no need to call him by that title. At some point, he will have to explain everything to him. “Hm?”

“Am I a freak?”

 

Donghae sighs. He was not taken aback at all. He knew this was coming. “Who told you that?”

“Kids around me talk about it. Their parents also don’t want their kids to approach me,” Hyukjae replies sadly.

 

“Don’t worry about them. You don’t need that in your life,” Donghae asserts.

 

Hyukjae hums in agreement. He buries his face into Donghae’s side, and hooks a leg over him.

 

“Hyukjae? Remember that you’re special. You’re different, but in a good way. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Don’t feel bad when you hear that.”

 

~

 

“Get out of the way, you pig!”

 

Hyukjae throws a glance towards the commotion, which no one seems to pay attention to. He stops, a hand on the strap of his backpack. Other kids pass him, making their way to their designated classrooms.

 

“What is this?” One of the bigger kids asks. Hyukjae sees them take something from the kid that they are ganging up on.

 

Another happens to look his way, and Hyukjae glares daggers at them.

 

“What are you looking at?” He snaps. “Don’t you dare look at me with your ugly face! You’re an eyesore!”

 

Hyukjae grits his teeth, the hand holding his strap tightening.

 

He hears crying, and he steps forward to interfere.

 

“Oh, so you think you’re some kind of hero now?”

 

Hyukjae takes off his backpack, and without saying anything, he whacks the nearest kid aside. The kid falls easily, and Hyukjae continues to beat him.

 

“You brat!”

 

Another steps towards him, and he was grabbed easily because of his small frame. Hyukjae struggles, kicking and punching, and he bites someone, hard. Hyukjae screams a terrible note in panic, and the kids stagger away, clutching their ears.

 

“You’re a monster!”

 

Hyukjae gathers himself, and picks up his backpack from the ground. He also picks up the fallen brown bag, and he regards the chubby kid. He hands the lunch to him, and then he starts to walk away.

 

“Wait!”

 

Hyukjae turns, raising a beautiful carved eyebrow. 

 

“What’s your name?”

“Lee Hyukjae,” he states.

 

The kid smiles. “I’m Shin Donghee...but you can call me Shindong.” He opens his brown bag and hands out a sandwich towards Hyukjae. “Here.”

 

Hyukjae accepts it, and he nods. “Thank you.” He looks around in the empty hallway. "Tell me if they're bothering you again."

 

~

 

Hyukjae’s abnormal growth made him move through elementary quickly. Donghae had to keep pulling him out of school, and just decided to homeschool him, so no one would question his fast growth. In another two years, Hyukjae would probably be a full teenager. Donghae can only watch him as he discovers the world through books, unable to really bring him out there until he’s ready. He’s too innocent. Donghae wants to protect him at how cruel the world can be.

 

However, he can only do so much. Hyukjae, like his predecessor, is curious and he asks a lot of whys. Like, why doesn’t he have a mom? Why doesn't he look like Donghae at all? Why doesn't he have a birthday? Or why do people hug and kiss each other in the movies? Why do wars happen, why are people so bad? Or why do stars disappear when the sun comes out? Why, just why?

 

Although, he is proud. He’s more intelligent and more adept. His ability to process seem so incomprehensible, when all he does is just look at a test and suddenly, all the answers come to him. Donghae knows that Hyukjae will live on, and that’s all he wanted.

When Hyukjae’s face is in front of the book, Donghae gets reminded of how the old Hyukjae was. They are definitely similar, from their calm and demure personalities, their sense of humor and to the way the light reaches their eyes when they are overwhelmed with joy. But this Hyukjae reading, and making something with his hands…this was definitely the old him.

 

Donghae watches him from afar, admiring the curve of his nose, and the way his lips are caught in between his teeth.

 

Hyukjae looks up and he finds Donghae, leaning on the door frame. “Oh, dad. I didn’t realize you’re home.”

 

Donghae’s eyes fell. He feels a bit guilty. Maybe he shouldn’t have let Hyukjae call him that in the first place. He never felt any kind of paternal connection with him. The only downside to bringing Hyukjae back was that he didn’t have his old memories.

 

Could making new ones affect the Hyukjae that Donghae hopes that he could be?

 

“Well, there wasn’t much to do. I finished and submitted my article, and so I rushed back home,” Donghae says. He crosses his arms and juts out his chin to gesture at the book. “Whatcha reading?”

 

Hyukjae glances down at the thick book in front of him. “Animal and human anatomy.”

 

Donghae smiles. “Hmm, sounds interesting. Tell me about it when you’re done.”

 

Hyukjae smiles brightly, and Donghae’s heart lurches, in torment but also of indescribable adoration. “Will do.” He looks back down to his book, but then he suddenly looks up. “Do you...want my help for dinner?”

 

Donghae chuckles at his cute expression. “Do you want to help?”

“Yes!”

 

“All right, let’s go kiddo.”

 

~

 

Hyukjae stares at the dark ceiling, feeling a bit unsettled. He feels too cold despite the heater in his room. The sheets over him does not make a difference. He rolls around in his bed, trying to find that warmth, but it still won’t work. Hyukjae sits up, and he rubs his eyes. He blows into his hands, and he tries putting it under his underarms, but he winces as it feels too freezing.

 

Frustrated, Hyukjae gets off his bed and he gets out of his room. He treads down the dark hallway; the only light source coming down his path was the moon. He stops in front of Donghae’s room, and touches the door knob. He twists it, careful to not make any noise.

 

He finds Donghae on his bed, his sheets twisted around him and his pillows in disarray.

He crawls into the bed carefully, and he pulls some of the blanket to him.

 

Hyukjae turns his body towards Donghae, who is sleeping peacefully. He looks younger than his age like this.

His eyes flit to Donghae’s thin lips, and raises his thin fingers to trace it. He’s seen a lot of moments like this in movies. However, they all show girls and guys. Never...something like this.

 

Unable to satiate his curiosity, Hyukjae leans forward. He gauges the elder’s unconscious face, and he meets his lips with his own. Hyukjae thinks that it was nothing like the movies. They make it look like there should be fireworks and sparks. What Hyukjae feels is sudden warmth flooding through his body, and he when he presses his lips against the elder once more, slightly parting the latter’s lips, Hyukjae felt his blood singing.

 

As he pulls away, he stares at Donghae’s face some more, oblivious to the implication of his actions. He inches closer, trying to absorb whatever warmth Donghae’s body emits. If he wants something, he can simply take it. Deep down, he knew that Donghae is willing to give him more.

 

He digests that Donghae has features that are far from the average definition of handsome, and from all the pictures of people he’d seen, nothing can compare to Donghae.

He buries his head to the side of Donghae’s body, and as if it was automatic, he feels the elder’s arms around him, tightening around his body. Hyukjae basks into the feeling, and in another second, he was closing his eyes to sleep.

 

~

 

Donghae opens the door to find Heechul, Siwon and Sungmin standing on his front porch. He gapes at them, surprised.

 

Heechul steps forward into his personal space, and he grabs the front of his shirt, ready to wring him around like a dog’s chew toy. “You,” Heechul growls.

 

Sungmin studies his late brother’s lover. His thirty-five years of age is lost to his face. It seems that Donghae has been living in harmony after all.

 

“Wh--what’s going on?” Donghae splutters.

Siwon puts a hand on Heechul’s shoulder. “Hyung, come on. We came to visit Donghae, not beat him to a pulp.” He sends his bright, reassuring smile towards Donghae.

 

Donghae welcomes them into the house, and he fidgets with his hand nervously.

 

The three men regarded his house, observing the small space. Filled bookshelves line the walls of the living room, enclosing the space in a cozy way. The old-fashioned television sits against the wall that holds the stairs. Its long antennas are spread out, and the screen was filled with static and random lines of color.

 

Siwon plops down on the sofa, his long legs making it seem like a miniature furniture.

 

“How are you?” He asks. The other men studies Donghae. “It’s been years, man. Did you ever thought of reaching out to us?”

 

Donghae glances at Sungmin, who is now studying the gray wooden floor with interest. “No, not really.”

Heechul scoffs sassily and he crosses his arms. “Are you fucking serious?”

 

Donghae glares at Heechul. “I can’t raise him there. You all made it pretty clear that you never wanted anything to do with him. He and I, we’re a package. So if he goes, I go too.”

 

Sungmin purses his lips. “Where is he?”

“In the back porch. Don’t bother him.” Donghae takes a defensive stance, guarding the way to the kitchen, where the back door resides.

 

“Hae, calm down. We’re not going to harm him.”

“Then what?”

 

“I don’t know. We missed you, you bastard!” Heechul snaps. “You’re our friend and brother, and you just left our lives like that! It’s been years, and we don’t even get to know what you’re up to?”

 

Donghae shoots a look at Heechul. “Can you tone your voice down?”

Heechul stares at his dongsaeng, disbelief written all over his features.

 

Sungmin spots movement from the back door, and he finds a familiar silhouette. He swallows. The face peeks in, his expression devoid of any emotion. Those eyes implored him, and it made Sungmin want to run out of the house and never turn back.

 

Donghae observes Sungmin’s line of gaze and he also turns around. “Hyukjae, come here.”

 

The boy opens the back door, and he steps in. His fingers are bloody, and he leaves his trail on the doorknob.

 

Siwon stands up, and the three of them immediately frowned.

 

“Wasn’t he suppose to be like six years old?” Heechul blatantly asks.

Sungmin steps forward. He looked exactly the same, except he’s in a fourteen year old’s body.

 

Hyukjae beholds them, feeling as if they were intruders and were about to rob the house.

 

Donghae sees Hyukjae’s hands, and he takes them to his. “Hyukjae, what is this?”

 

Hyukjae’s head cocks to the side, and suddenly, an excited smile spreads across his features. “I was just applying what I learned, dad.”

 

Sungmin feels like he’s about to throw up. What the hell is this? This is not Hyukjae. “Um, hey, Hyukjae. I’m Sungmin. Lee Sungmin.”

 

The boy looks at him, his gaze suddenly turning south. “Hello.” He steps closer to Donghae, an air of protectiveness seeping into his body language.

 

Siwon looks at the strange exchange. This Hyukjae didn’t even seem to recognize his own brother. Didn’t they have the same genes? Wasn't that science program that Donghae found suppose to bring back the old Hyukjae? 

 

Donghae wraps an arm across Hyukjae’s shoulders. “Will you go wash your hands? I don’t know what you’re up to, but it better be cleaned up.”

 

Heechul, followed by Sungmin, walked towards the back door. He opens it and he peeks out. He utters a yelp, and a string of curses.

 

Siwon glances at Donghae, and at the younger Hyukjae washing his hands casually by the sink.

 

Sungmin shoots Donghae a panicked look. 

 

“What?” Donghae finally asks. He gets closer to the back porch, where the three men had gathered. They all stared at one spot.

 

Unbothered, Donghae joins them. He takes a look at what they are gawking at, and almost jumps five feet when he finds a mutilated corpse of a four-legged animal lying on the wooden porch. Its heart lies on the floor, its stomach entrails leaking out, and its brain is cracked open, separated into its respective lobes.

 

“What the actual fuck, Lee Donghae,” Heechul whispers. “That is not Hyukjae.”

 

Donghae whirls around. He is clearly shaken, but there must be a reason why Hyukjae had done this. For god’s sake, the boy is always learning new things. He remembers Hyukjae reading something about human anatomy. “Yes, he is. You know how curious he was. If you can’t accept it, then go.”

 

Heechul grabs Donghae’s arm. “Come with us.” He pleads with his eyes. "Get away from him."

Donghae budges his arm away, where Heechul is beginning to dig his nails into his skin. "No. You will not separate me from him. No one can."

 

They hear footsteps coming towards them.

 

Hyukjae stares at them, then at the hand around Donghae’s arm. “Let go of him,” he states. His voice is light and a bit high-pitch, like ice cracking in silence. He directs his threat towards the three intruders. 

 

Donghae snaps his arm away from Heechul harshly. “Go to your room,” he commands.

Hyukjae’s jaw hardened, but he obeys. He gives them one more dangerous glare, and he goes inside, his feet thundering as if he's throwing a tantrum.


	5. In einen Abgrund

Hyukjae takes a blank canvas, and with the paint that Donghae had recently bought for him, he starts to slap colors onto the white surface, a swarm of uncontrolled emotions boiling inside him. The sky outside is dark, brewing for another storm. He hates storms, and so he tries to drown the thunder by turning up the volume of his music. For what seems like hours, Hyukjae paints furiously, getting his fingers caked into its smooth material, the colors mixing into a dark, greenish color.

 

Lightning flashes outside, brightening the room in one second, and suddenly, it was just...black.

 

Hyukjae drops his paintbrush, and he runs to the door. He opens it, and he bursts out of his room. He finds his way down, his feet touching the cold stairs. He also hates the cold.

 

Lightning flashes outside again, and the sky growls.

 

Hyukjae squeaks, and he jumps to the couch. He pulls the plush blanket to him.

 

“Where are you?” Hyukjae whispers into the darkness. “Why aren’t you here with me?”

 

As if on cue, the door creaks open, and Donghae comes in, his wet hair splattered all over his forehead. Drops of rain fall on their wooden floor.

 

Hyukjae gets to his feet immediately, and he crashes into Donghae’s embrace. “You’re safe!” He exclaims.

 

Donghae’s arms immediately come up to surround Hyukjae, and he pulls that bundle of warmth closer to his body. “Of course, I’m safe. Nothing’s going to happen to me.”

 

Hyukjae rests his head in the crook of Donghae’s neck. “What if those people try to take you from me again?”

Donghae chuckles, and he removes Hyukjae away from him, who looked disappointed. “They won’t come here again.” He motions upstairs. “Let me get dressed okay? You know I get sick easily.”

 

Hyukjae steps back and he goes to the couch again. He trembles and he wraps himself with the blanket tightly. He closes his eyes, painting his world black so he can put his own version of a beautiful day with perfect weather. He pictures the sun, to light it up, but Donghae’s smile is comes forward. He indulges, and he imagines the warmth as Donghae’s nearness-his body, his arms around him.

 

“What’s got you giggling like a teenage girl?”

 

Hyukjae opens his eyes, and he spots Donghae standing in front of him, his hair swept to the side.

 

“Nothing,” Hyukjae says in his sly way.

 

Donghae gazes at him, like there’s something burning in those eyes. It was hesitation, and also, of limitless love-it was almost maddening. Donghae sits beside Hyukjae, and leans back. He reaches out an arm. “Come here.”

 

Hyukjae, unable to hide his smile, goes to Donghae immediately. Their bodies immediately fitted to each other, and Hyukjae relaxes. Suddenly, it was as if there were no more storms outside.

 

~

 

Donghae takes Hyukjae to town. They recently started to do this so that Hyukjae won’t feel trapped inside the house, or worse, alone in the world. Hyukjae skips beside him, holding on to his hand and swinging their hands between them. A few passerbys glance at them, looking at Hyukjae weirdly as if he was some circus act. Surely, in a small town like this, they’ll notice Hyukjae’s fast growth.

 

Donghae pulls Hyukjae to him when the staring got too much. 

 

“Hyukjae!”

 

The two of them paused, and Hyukjae turns toward the voice.

 

“Shindong! It’s been a while!” Hyukjae exclaims. He lets go of Donghae, and the latter felt shook at the loss of contact.

 

Shindong looks up at Hyukjae, who is almost as tall as Donghae. “Whoa, dude. You grew up fast.”

 

Hyukjae laughs in a carefree way. “Well, I do eat my vegetables.”

Shindong pouts. “Well, at least I have muscles.”

 

Hyukjae’s eyes crinkles. “You’re right.” He glances at Donghae’s waiting figure. “Well, I’ve got to go now. Can’t keep my dad waiting.”

“See you around, Hyukjae.”

 

Hyukjae intertwines his long fingers with Donghae’s, and together, they walked the streets again.

 

“Friend of yours?”

“Yeah, I met him when...I was younger,” Hyukjae replies, a little mystified. “Do kids not grow at my rate? Am I the only one like this?”

 

Donghae stares ahead.

 

“Someone called me a lab experiment. Is that why I don’t have a mom?”

 

Donghae glances at Hyukjae’s face, which was clearly perturbed. “Don’t call yourself a lab experiment. You’re not. You’re a person, and you are so much more.”

 

Hyukjae walks beside him now, unable to keep a smile on his face. Donghae never fails to make him feel better.  

 

~

 

Hyukjae sneaks into Donghae’s bed again. He keeps going back, and keeps kissing the sleeping face in front of him. He couldn’t help it. There was just something that draws Hyukjae to him. It was an addiction, to crave for those lips against him, to have them respond and move over him. He takes a hand and he runs it over Donghae’s chest, and down to his toned abdomen, trying not to apply too much pressure to wake him.

 

Hyukjae sighs into the kiss, a mounting rush inside him becoming unbearable. He wants more, but he doesn’t know how to get his hands on that quantity. Why is he feeling like this? His science and literature books never told him anything about these kinds of feelings.

 

Hyukjae pulls away. One thing some of his books told him is that this isn’t suppose to happen. Not between the two of them.

 

He blinks and he realizes that Donghae is awake, staring at him. He didn’t look terrified, though. He looked more surprised, with his eyes crackling like a fireplace.

 

Is it suppose to hurt like this?

 

He makes a move to get up, but Donghae grabs his hand and yanks him back down.

 

“Stay,” Donghae murmurs into his neck.

 

Hyukjae takes a deep breath, and he closes his eyes to sleep.

 

~

 

“He’s a child!” Heechul roars. “He thinks that you’re his father! How the hell are you going to explain that to him?!”

 

Donghae stiffens, his fingers clenching into a fist.

 

“That is not Hyukjae,” Heechul reasons, stepping in front of Donghae’s face. “Something’s wrong with him.”

 

Sungmin stares at the floor. “He’s right, Donghae. Come home with us.”

 

Donghae looks away, and he wraps his own arms around himself. “I can’t.”

 

“Donghae, come on. He’s obviously not...normal.”

“Shut up!” Donghae snaps. “Do you know what I had to endure to have him back? He’s in one piece, for fuck’s sake! He’s alive! What more can I ask for?”

 

Siwon shakes his head. “This was never supposed to happen, Donghae. Something like this, it’s against God’s rules.”

Donghae laughs. “Unbelievable! Are we talking about the same God who hated people like us? The same one who let Hyukjae die?!”

 

Siwon steps forward and he raises his hands. “Obviously, I’m not bringing this up to anger you. Listen to us, Donghae. Humans are birthed into this world, and they die. That’s what happens. It’s life. You went above and beyond to break that cycle. You think science has all the answers?”

 

Donghae grits his teeth.

 

“Science, when Hyukjae had died, was never supposed to be this advanced. Science cannot act like it’s above heaven or nature. It’s wrong, and you know it.”

“I don’t care!” Donghae shouted, his face taut and his hands shaking erratically. “He’s with me! He’s mine!”

 

Hyukjae thunders down the stairs, clearly alert about the commotion downstairs. He was ready to fight these strangers.

 

“Hyukjae, go to your room,” Donghae says in a low voice.

 

Sungmin looks at the kid, his heart lurching at the sight of him. He is identical to his brother. From head to toe.

 

“I said, go to your room. Now!” Donghae bellows.

 

Hyukjae runs upstairs, obviously not used to seeing this side of Donghae.

 

Heechul massages the bridge of his nose. “Did you even realize that you’re not letting Hyukjae rest in peace?”

“He was never at peace. He’s supposed to be alive and kicking today. And now he is, so you have no right to take that away from him!”

 

Heechul shakes his head, as if he’s disagreeing with a disobedient child. “Let’s go home, Donghae. This is not right. We have been too lenient on you.”

 

Donghae trembles in anger. “What if it was Hangeng hyung? What if it was Saeun? What are you going to do? What if they died violently?”

 

“Hae, obviously, we would find justice, but we would never go as far as...this. Look at you, you’re out of your mind. You need help,” Siwon reasons.

Sungmin is still staring at the space where Hyukjae was just lurking a few minutes ago. “Can I...visit him sometimes? I want to get to know him.”

 

Heechul turns to Sungmin in shock. “Min, what the hell? Are you changing your mind already?”

Sungmin purses his lips. “Hyung, he’s my brother. My blood was used to resurrect him.”

“Other than literal blood ties, what else? Are you going to start bringing your wife and kids for a little family get together?”

“Obviously, not, but he has my brother’s face. Let me get to know him first.”

 

Donghae is obviously missing a huge chunk in this conversation. “I’m sorry, what?”

 

Siwon gives Donghae an apologetic look. “We’re sorry, Donghae. We were planning to bring him back to that lab.”

 

“Get out of my house. You said you didn’t come here to hurt him,” Donghae accuses, his voice hard. “You’re not going to touch him, do you hear me?”

 

“Donghae, please.” Siwon pleads. "We're trying to help you, clearly, this...boy is making you lose your mind."

 

“He didn’t do anything wrong! You have no right to take him from me! Get out!”

 

~

 

Donghae wakes up with a comfortable warmth enveloping him. He immediately reacts to it by pulling it closer, and in a half dazed, he places his nose on a warm spot. He takes a deep breath, and he slowly detaches himself from Hyukjae, when he recognizes the familiar contour of his body.

 

It’s not the right time. And it hurts to abstain himself from him. 

 

Making sure that Hyukjae isn’t awake, he slips off the bed and began his morning routine of showering, and getting dressed for work, then making breakfast and lunch for Hyukjae. When he had prepared everything, he takes another peek at the younger on his bed, and he closes the door with his heavy heart.

 

~

 

The fire on the stove danced enticingly, capturing Hyukjae’s attention. He’s seen this before, but he just wanted to know and feel more...He takes his hand and puts it closer to the flicking flames, and then lowers his hand even more. He ignores his body’s instinct to take the hand out, just so he can feel the heat, to consume him.

 

Suddenly, his arm is jerked away from the stove.

 

“Hyukjae! What the hell?!” Donghae yelled. He turns Hyukjae’s palm towards the ceiling.

 

Hyukjae cocks his head to the side. “I was just…”

“Don’t do that! It’s bad, and you’ll get hurt.” Donghae breathes a little quickly, wary that Hyukjae just tried to burn himself.

 

Hyukjae presses his lips together, feeling a bit regretful at Donghae’s reaction. “Sorry.”

Donghae glares at him, and he fetches the first aid kid from one of the kitchen drawers. “Don’t do that again. Haven’t I told you many times not to touch the stove when it’s on?” He studies the burn on Hyukjae’s hand. “Go run cold water on that, and wrap it. It’ll heal.”

 

Hyukjae obeys easily, and Donghae keeps a vigilant eye on him. After he followed Donghae’s instructions, he opens the fridge to scan it for any snacks. He takes the whole carton of chocolate milk, and the chocolate cake that he baked with Donghae last night.

 

“So what’s for lunch?” Hyukjae casually asks as he shoves a whole slice into his mouth. He lifts himself to the counter, and he chews on the cake, his cheeks puffing out. The lanky teenager swings his legs, a goofy smile pasted on his face.

 

Donghae gives him a worried look. “I was thinking...beef stew?”

“Okay, I love beef stew.”

 

Donghae turns his back on him, and he hears Hyukjae hum a soft tune; like the tread of feet against the sand, as gentle as the waves come up to the shore.

 

~

 

Donghae walks into his room, and he finds Hyukjae sprawled on the floor, a stack of photos in his hands. He glances down at his naked, pale legs, and swallows nervously, as if he’s been caught red-handed. He immediately walks over and snatches the photos away from Hyukjae’s hands.

 

Hyukjae watches the elder’s face, and he speaks first. “You’re not really my biological father, right?”

 

Donghae sets the photos down on the drawers, and then he made his way to sit in front of Hyukjae. “No.”

 

Slowly, the edges of the younger’s lips curve up. “What am I to you? According to these pictures...I was something more, right?” Hyukjae continues, his tone excited.

 

Donghae stares at Hyukjae’s face, so similar to the original one. “Yes.”

“Am I a replacement?”

 

Donghae frowns, and he reaches for Hyukjae immediately. Then he holds him, and tightens arms around his body. “No, of course not. Never.”

 

“Then what am I? Those people who call me a freak and a lab gone wrong...they’re not really far from the truth, hm? Donghae,” Hyukjae says, testing the name out loud for the first time. He sits up a little bit to adjust his legs around Donghae’s waist and then he relaxes into the embrace.

 

“Do you care?”

“Not really. As long as I’m with you.”

 

Donghae takes a deep breath. His heart beats quickly in anticipation. “I was planning on explaining everything to you.”

 

“I think I caught on, let’s not talk about the past,” Hyukjae murmurs. He lets his hand travel up Donghae’s broad chest and he surrounds his cold fingers around his neck. “Is this appropriate? I don’t think I ever cared.” He puts a slight pressure, making Donghae shiver. “Have you waited long?”

 

Donghae leans his forehead against Hyukjae and closes his eyes. “For you, I’d wait a lifetime.”

 

Hyukjae chuckles delightfully, but his face turns serious in a snap. “Do you want me?” He presses himself closer to Donghae’s body. “Is this what you want from me?”

 

“Among all other things,” Donghae replies, his mind in a spell that is Hyukjae, and he kisses the younger full on the mouth, putting his desperation and his unsuppressed love into it. Hyukjae immediately responds, as if he’s been doing this with Donghae for a long time. His body curves against the older man, his hands coming up to the sides of his face. He feels Hyukjae’s fingers against his scalp, digging and insistent.

 

Donghae’s hands begin to roam Hyukjae’s body, caressing him in places that he’d always known. He groans as Hyukjae starts to move against him, knowing exactly how to elicit pleasure from his body. His nimble fingers lift his shirt up, and throws it off, then proceeded to explore Donghae’s torso.

 

Hyukjae widens his mouth some more, allowing Donghae to rein over his body. He’s imagined something like this for a while, has patterned moments from movies into a scene like this, but physically, nothing can ever compare. Donghae moves down to his neck, nibbling and sucking, determined to mark the white expanse of skin there. Hyukjae leans back in enjoyment, his eyes flitting close and his mouth uttering wanton moans uncontrollably. His fingers dig on Donghae’s broad shoulders, anchoring himself into his solidness. He feels himself get lifted up, and then lowered to the bed gently.

 

Hyukjae pants, and he puts a hand on his chest as if that would contain the passion that he can't really control. He feels like he's about to burst from the inside. Donghae comes up to his view, standing by the edge of the bed, a hand around a bottle of lube. The older man stares at him, a dark look in his eyes. It’s that gaze again, that sends Hyukjae to the edge, that makes him want to let go of himself and surrender his soul to this man. There’s something unhinged behind those eyes, something so fiery, like an angry lion out of its cage. Hyukjae eggs him on, and lifts a leg to reach for him.

 

Donghae grabs his ankle, gripping it hard, and he kneels forward. He kisses the bone in the inside of Hyukjae’s ankle, and he slowly moves upwards, biting at the skin lightly. Hyukjae welcomes this, his pouty lips twisted into a smirk.

 

“Say my name again,” Donghae rasps, his hand lightly stroking Hyukjae’s crotch. “Say it.”

 

“Donghae,” Hyukjae calls in a deep voice. He moans and he arches his back as Donghae suddenly takes his length into his mouth. He gasps at the warm and slick sensation, as Donghae’s tongue expertly draw him close. He digs his heels on Donghae’s back, unable to contain the string of profanities coming from his mouth.

 

“Donghae!” Hyukjae cried, clutching Donghae’s shoulders as he comes undone.

 

Donghae meets Hyukjae’s half-lidded gaze, and he cups the other’s ass. “The older Hyukjae would never be this forward.”

Hyukjae’s eyes sparked with something like fury. “Don’t talk about the other Hyukjae while I’m here.”

Donghae chuckles, amused. “Hmm, but just like him, you’re just as feisty.”

 

“Donghae, don’t,” Hyukjae warns.

“My name sounds really good when it comes out of your mouth.” Donghae slathers his fingers with lube, and he begins to massage his hole.

“Oh? I didn’t know you were this vulgar...” Hyukjae’s toes curl as Donghae slowly inserts a finger inside him. “Ngh-”

 

“There’s a lot you need to know about me.”

 

Donghae works his finger inside Hyukjae, watching his face as he bites his lip to repress the sounds coming out of his mouth, and as his eyes shut close and he arches back, revealing his whole neck.

 

“Like what?” Hyukjae pants. “Like how selfish you are?” He goads. “Is one Hyukjae not enough for you?” He breathes heavily, and sweat breaks from his white forehead.

 

Donghae shoves another finger, and he leans forward to suck on Hyukjae’s neck. “I’ve never had enough of you.” He laps on the pale skin, insisting his mark on it.

 

Hyukjae mewls and he starts to bring his hips down to meet the thrust of Donghae’s fingers inside him. He feels so dizzy from the sensation, and it spreads to the rest of his body. “Fuck, take me. Take me now!”

 

Donghae closes his eyes and he inhales Hyukjae’s intoxicating scent. “Watch your mouth, baby boy.”

“Shut up,” Hyukjae growls, and he grabs Donghae’s jaw and kisses him hard, tasting himself from the other’s mouth.

 

Donghae breaks the kiss, and he palms his erection. Then he grabs Hyukjae’s hips, lifting it up to him and aligning himself at the entrance. He enters tediously, and Hyukjae twitches under his hold. He slightly thrusts himself in and strokes Hyukjae’s cock to make him relax, until he was able to fill him to the brim.

 

Donghae lets out a breath he’s been holding. “Baby,” he groans. His gaze finds Hyukjae's, and he finds it hard to breathe again.

 

Hyukjae’s eyes pierced through him. It was intense, as if Hyukjae was holding him over the hottest fire. It was greedy and suffocating, like the dark pits of hell. It was consuming Donghae.

 

Donghae starts to move, and he picks up the speed, earning cries from Hyukjae. Donghae holds on to Hyukjae, giving all of himself into each time he drives himself deeper into Hyukjae’s constricted heat.

 

The headboard knocks against the wall violently, consistently thumping, mixing into Hyukjae’s cries and Donghae’s groans. Hyukjae moves towards him desperately, roving his nails down Donghae’s muscular back. His body feels awakened, as if he can hear his blood rushing and his heart beating, his synapses firing, and he thinks that this is it, but he doesn’t feel complete until Donghae comes inside him, spurting heat and giving him an overwhelming sense of just being full. He is craving for more. He wants to be ravaged until there’s nothing left, until his soul only sings one name.


	6. Vassal

Hyukjae watches the sleeping elder beside him, his bare back red with Hyukjae’s mark. He feels empty and he couldn’t understand why. He is tempted to wake Donghae just so he can feel like there’s nothing missing inside of him. It was a bottomless hunger, and he just wants and desires Donghae so much. He never thought that it was this intense before. He bites his lip, and he brings his fingers up to brush them against Donghae’s jawline.

 

He didn’t realize he was breathing quickly until Donghae opens one eye, and grabs his hand. Donghae kisses his fingers tenderly, his clear, dark eyes gazing at him as if he had come up for fresh air. Hyukjae couldn’t take his eyes off of him, and suddenly, he realizes that his breathing is slowing down. He felt overwhelmed by every feeling he has.

 

Feelings used to be so simple for him. If he’s glad, he’s glad. If he’s angry, he becomes a wrathful force. If he’s sad, the whole day turns sour and dreary. However, with Donghae, it’s all of those combined. He doesn’t know whether he should start crying or laughing. Maybe those people who made him forgot to dampen down his emotions.

 

“Come to me,” Donghae whispers in the dark. The only light that filters through is the moonlight, which illuminated Donghae’s godly features in a way that takes Hyukjae’s breath away.

 

Hyukjae lowers himself beside Donghae, and lets himself be held. He feels Donghae’s lips against the side of his head, and his heart yearns for even more. How had he lived without this? It feels like something in him snapped, and it won’t be repaired. He feels like he’s been longing for Donghae all his life, and those hidden feelings came crashing down on him like a waterfall.

 

“Are you in pain?” Donghae asks in a worried tone.

“No,” Hyukjae says in a small voice.

 

Donghae props himself up on his elbow and he wipes the tears away from Hyukjae’s face. “Why are you crying?”

 

Hyukjae shrugs. “Am I?”

“Shh,” Donghae comforts, like the way he usually does. “I’m here. You’re okay.”

“Did you want that to happen?”

 

“To be honest, I didn’t expect it to be easy. I was prepared for a long fight. I was prepared to give you more time.”

“What am I to you?”

Donghae smiles softly. “You’re the love of my life.”

 

Hyukjae is not quite sure he knows what the really means, although he has an idea based on the fiction books that he’s read, so he trusts Donghae’s words. “Okay.”

 

~

 

Donghae is gone for the morning, and Hyukjae dreads that.

 

He doesn’t want to be alone. Without Donghae, Hyukjae feels like there’s a beast eating him up from the inside. He’s either feeling something so profound it itches at his skin or he just feels numb, like he’s been thrown into a limbo. The cold touches him right to the bone, and he remembers why he hates it so much. He curls up on Donghae’s bed, wrapping the blanket tightly against him.

 

He stays there through the duration of Donghae’s absence, only moving once again, when he feels Donghae's strong hand against his ankle.

 

“How long have you been here?” Donghae asks.

“All day.”

“Hyuk, you need to eat.”

“I wasn’t...hungry.”

 

Donghae hauls him into his arms and he brings Hyukjae down to the kitchen.

 

“You’re pale,” Donghae comments. He presses his lips against Hyukjae’s forehead.

 

Hyukjae bore holes into the elder’s eyes. Then, he pulls Donghae to him and devours his mouth. He pushes his tongue through his lips, and he sucks on his tongue. Donghae pulls away from him, mildly amused.

 

“Hyukjae, I’m serious. You need to eat,” Donghae reprimands.

“Don’t be such a dad.” He bites his lip. He peeks at Donghae through his eyelashes coyly. “Did you miss me?”

 

“Of course, I did.” Donghae smiles, but it falters as Hyukjae gazed at him lustfully. It’s those primal eyes, like he’s searching for danger and for the first time, he felt chills down on his spine.

“Do you want me?” Hyukjae whispers.

 

Donghae frames Hyukjae’s face with his hands. “Of course, I do.” He pecks Hyukjae’s lips once more, and then he stresses an assertive look. “Dinner first.”

 

Hyukjae rolls his eyes and he pushes Donghae away from him. His face is tight, and he takes a deep breath.

 

“I’m going to go read a book,” Hyukjae suggests.

 

~

 

After dinner, Donghae stands Hyukjae up and pulls him close. He plays music from the radio, and he leads the first dance, swaying their connected bodies sweetly. He feels Hyukjae’s arms tightening around him, as if he’s struggling to stay afloat and the only way to live is to hang on. Donghae runs his lips on Hyukjae’s face, sometimes nibbling on the lobe of his ear, or kissing the spot behind his jaw.

 

He feels Hyukjae’s heart on his chest, beating erratically as if someone is chasing him.

 

Donghae buries his nose on the crook of Hyukjae’s neck and starts to make a tedious path down to his collarbone. Hyukjae tilts his head back, welcoming him willingly. Donghae runs a hand on his slender body, and he feels Hyukjae surrender to his touches immediately.

 

“I’ve missed you,” Donghae murmurs in a deep, velvety voice.

Hyukjae exhales through his nose. He takes his hands and slowly unbuttoned Donghae’s shirt. Then he slips it past Donghae’s shoulders, and he takes it off and throws it to the floor.

 

“I’ve missed you more,” Hyukjae said. He leans to Donghae’s ear. “Have your way with me.”

 

~

 

Hyukjae rests his palms on Donghae’s chest, and he rolls his hips down. He couldn’t help uttering a lewd moan, as Donghae meets him in the middle, spearing into him deeply. His knees ached from the lack of cushion on the wooden floor, and his body quivers as Donghae rocks inside him. He cries out as Donghae grasps his hips, holding him down and crashing into the same pleasurable spot over and over again that he comes, and clenches around Donghae so tightly that the other comes as well.

 

He falls on Donghae’s chest, and he feels the older wrap an arm around him.

 

“Better?” Donghae murmurs, his chest vibrating from the sound.

 

Hyukjae learned to lie in that moment, the black hole inside him swallowing him further into its darkness. “Yes.”

 

~

 

Hyukjae downs the beer that Donghae keeps for long nights. He lines the bottles up on the counter, savoring the pleasant feeling buzzing in his mind. The warmth is spreading across his body, and without Donghae around him right now, it was becoming a nice substitute. He finishes the last one, and he goes to the ground, dizzy and disoriented.

 

His eyes protests, but Hyukjae welcomes the darkness that he is suddenly plunged into. At least this time, it doesn’t ask anything from him.

 

The next thing he knew was Donghae’s frantic cries over him, and Hyukjae feels something sticky on his mouth and to the side of his face.

 

“What the hell were you thinking?” Donghae shouts. His eyes are wide and upset, and tears threaten to fall.

 

Hyukjae only gapes at him, then he bursts out crying. He hates seeing Donghae like this. He reaches for his face, and a part of his heart chips when Donghae slightly flinched. He doesn’t understand why he had to react in that way.

 

He pulls Donghae to him, trying to get some kind of contact. “Don’t leave me alone,” Hyukjae begs. “Please.”

Donghae clutches him, one of his hand placed on Hyukjae’s head in a protective way. “Hyuk, I’m here to stay. I won’t leave you.”

 

Hyukjae pushes himself closer to Donghae, trying to rob him of his space. “I need you.”

“Hyukjae,” Donghae mutters into his hair.

 

“I need you,” Hyukjae insists desperately. His hands come under Donghae’s shirt, trying to take his warmth, but Donghae pulls them away.

 

Hyukjae frowns, his face scrunching with hurt. “What? Do you not want me anymore?”

 

Donghae rubs his back. “No, baby. That is not it. You’re not well right now. You need to rest.”

 

Hyukjae sobs into his shirt. “I’m sorry, Donghae.”

Donghae envelopes him into his arms, trying to calm Hyukjae down. “It’s not your fault.”

 

~

 

After getting Hyukjae cleaned up and tucked into bed, Donghae sees the old photos of the dead Hyukjae that he put aside. He picks them up and studies them, suddenly missing this Hyukjae in the photo. It’s been a while since he had to look at it, and it hurt. He feels ashamed, as if he’s cheating on the old Hyukjae. The Hyukjae that was captured in the photo has so much life in him, he can still feel it radiating. Donghae sighs and he puts it away. There’s no point of dwelling in the past.

 

He finally has him in his life. And Donghae is content with that.

 

Donghae settles beside Hyukjae, and brushes the hair away from his forehead. He can’t help noticing that Hyukjae had stopped aging and growing, and had begun to look exactly the same from the last time he saw the late Hyukjae.

 

He falls asleep next to him, only to wake up without him by his side. He hears muffled noises downstairs, so he swings his feet over the bed. He heads into the dark hallway, where the moonlight barely touches his path. It stops by the window, as if it’s blocked. Donghae heads downstairs by memory and he sees the refrigerator light open, and a shadow crouched by the bottom.

 

He hears munching noises, and unsatisfied groans.

 

“Hyukjae?”

 

The figure whirls around, his eyes dark and empty. He licks his lips and he stares at Donghae, his face blank.

 

“Hyukjae,” Donghae calls, his voice hard.

 

Hyukjae’s eyes narrowed. “I’m so hungry,” he states.

 

Donghae steps forward and he holds out his hand. “Come, we’ll cook something.”

 

Hyukjae reaches for him, and Donghae pulls him to his feet. He wipes the younger’s face clean, and pulls him up on the counter. Hyukjae willingly opens his legs so that Donghae can come closer to him.

 

“What’s going on, love?” Donghae murmurs, running his thumb on Hyukjae’s jawline.

“I’m just so hungry,” Hyukjae replies. “I’m craving meat. What do you say?”

 

Donghae nods. “Sure. Can you wait?”

“Hm.”

 

Hyukjae hums a song long forgotten by time, and Donghae’s ears zone into his voice. He remembers hearing the same melody long ago, in those years he was grieving on his own. He finishes cooking the food, and he gestures at Hyukjae to sit on the dining table. Hyukjae eats in silence, and the clock grates by slowly. Donghae studies Hyukjae, and all the love that he had kept reserved starts to resurface.

 

They can finally start something.

 

However.

 

“Is something bothering you?” Donghae asks. He sees the time somewhere behind Hyukjae’s head. It was almost four am.

 

Hyukjae chews for a few moments, and he meets Donghae’s concerned face. “I’m not quite sure. I'm just...really, really hungry, like I haven't eaten for days. I can't control it."

Donghae bites his lip. “When did this start?”

 

Hyukjae hesitates. “When you and I…”

Donghae feels his cheeks heat. “Oh.”

 

Hyukjae finishes his food, and the two of them sit in silence. The clock ticks by loudly, echoing in their cozy house.

 

Finally, Donghae breaks the silence. “I love you, Hyukjae.”

 

Hyukjae shivers, a rack of emotions overriding his body. He feels like running down the shore and swim towards the horizon and back; like he can do the most impossible things.

 

Donghae stands up and he walks in front of Hyukjae. He takes the younger’s hand, and he starts to lead him upstairs. Hyukjae feels cold, as if he’d spent his time holding ice cubes. He takes his other hand to rub it and to give it warmth, but his efforts were put to waste. Hyukjae glues himself to Donghae’s side, and the older couldn’t help but think that his predecessor was never this clingy.

 

Donghae chuckles slowly.

 

“What?” Hyukjae asks in a small voice.

“Nothing, I just...remembered something,” Donghae replies.

 

“Yeah, sure.” Hyukjae takes his hand away, but Donghae immediately snatches it back.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Donghae drawls.

 

The hair on Hyukjae’s skin stands up in anticipation. “I bet you remembered something about the old Hyukjae,” he says, his voice laced with jealousy.

 

Donghae chuckles some more and opens the door to their bedroom. “Why? Are you jealous?”

“Don’t play with me,” Hyukjae growls.

 

Donghae suddenly pulls Hyukjae to him, and Hyukjae stops short by his lips. Hyukjae swallows nervously, but his eyes are bright with excitement.

 

“What do you want, Hyukjae?” Donghae asks, his voice getting a bit constrained. “Let me be the one to do it all.”

Hyukjae rests his hands on Donghae’s chest. “Fill me up with you. Consume me. Make me yours, over and over.”

 

Donghae sighs and rests his lips in the corner of Hyukjae’s mouth. “You always demand something from me.” He grasps Hyukjae’s waist, and he lifts him to his hips.

 

Hyukjae submits to his intense gaze easily, and he couldn’t help it. It was like letting go of the only rope available to raise him up from the depths of the ocean.

 

The sky outside is dark, despite the fact that the sun should be dawning at the horizon.

 

With every push, Donghae delves into Hyukjae’s constricted heat, unable to contain himself. They react to each other, molding into one being until they are sharing the same breath and heartbeat. Donghae watches Hyukjae's face in amazement, loving how his lips looked so red against his white skin. He reaches for Hyukjae's hands, and entwines their fingers together, putting them above Hyukjae's head. He leans forward to connect their lips, putting every yearning feeling that he has felt for the past years that Hyukjae was not in his life. He tries to tell Hyukjae with his actions that he loves him, he really does; that he has waited so many years for him, so that the life that they were meant to built won't just stay as plans for the future.

 

Hyukjae’s blood boils, and he feels light-headed from every rush of pleasure Donghae gives him. His heart feels ready to erupt. Everything that he had felt before and had become-wrath, jealousy, lust, hunger, avarice, idleness and even that immeasurable darkness-it mixes into an unbearable heat until he couldn’t breathe. His body was at its peak and also of its deterioration, and his downhill ride robs him of every sensation.

 

Until there’s nothing left.

 

Hyukjae’s eyes finally close and he falls into that abyss that had been threatening him to come.

 

~

 

Daylight finally appeared, and birds start to chirp outside. The air feels warmer, and the gray tones of the surrounding had an orange glow to it.

 

The body next to Donghae is cold, too cold.

 

He tightens his hold around Hyukjae, but there was no response. He couldn’t hear his breath, nor his heartbeat, which is usually so apparent when they are in a close proximity like this.

 

Donghae shakes Hyukjae, but the younger doesn’t open his eyes nor groan in protest.

 

“Hyukjae!” Donghae frantically wailed. “Wake up!”

 

Nothing. It was void.

 

"Please, no! Hyukjae!" 

 

Donghae takes Hyukjae’s pale face, noticing the bluish gray tint to his face. A memory comes forward in his eyes, and Donghae backs up violently that he falls from the bed.

He starts to scream, his voice building volumes, overpowering any other sound.

 

Outside, the sea calmly laps on the shore, and the sun moves across the sky in its slow pace. Birds fly overhead, their shadows on the white sand miniscule and dark. The sea breeze blows by, changing the patterns on the sand dunes. Time ticks by slowly, and yet no one hears the crying man inside the gray house.


	7. Unconditionally

Donghae takes Hyukjae into his arms after his initial mental breakdown, and rushes downstairs. He doesn’t waste time as he puts Hyukjae inside the car comfortably and he drives away back to the city, back to where Hyukjae died and had lived again. Tears stream down his face, the pain hitting him raw. He avoids looking behind him because reality can hit him like a brick. This wasn’t suppose to happen. They were suppose to be together.

 

Donghae drives non-stop, and he turns off the part of himself that is screaming in panic. This cannot be.

 

He finally arrives at the gray building that born Hyukjae back into the world. He opens the passenger door and carries Hyukjae’s body back inside, not caring about the looks that the city people gave him.

 

It was still as empty as before, and he hurries to the familiar turns that will lead him back to Leeteuk and his subordinates.

 

Fortunately, the old doctor stumbles upon him first.

 

They look at each other, bewildered.

 

“What is this?” Leeteuk questions, his head tilting in a precise way.

 

Donghae swallows. “You tell me! You promised me that he will live!”

Leeteuk presses his lips together, and he finally remembers the face in front of him. “Lee Donghae, was it?”

 

Leeteuk pockets his veiny hands into his white lab coat, and he gestures to a door.

 

~

 

“What do you mean he can’t live past the age of twenty-one?!” Donghae yells.

 

Leeteuk calmly regards the crazy man in front of him. He adjusts his glasses, and he closely observes the deceased body of Hyukjae on the metal table. “Donghae, he originally died at that age. His body stopped regenerating, and that goes for this Hyukjae as well.”

 

Donghae finally bursts out crying. “What? I don’t get it.”

 

“When you asked me and my team to bring him back, we were able to do it with the DNA that Hyukjae had left,” Leeteuk explains. “The thing about clones is that...we never really found a way to expand their lives beyond what was given to them.”

“Then extend it!” Donghae snaps hysterically.

 

Leeteuk shakes his head sadly. “We can’t, I’ve told you about this before. Life can’t be alter with, no matter how powerful science is.” Leeteuk adjusts his spectacles on his face. "We developed this project in the first place to find a cure for genetic diseases-like if they need bone marrow or an organ transplant, they can get it from their clones because they would be perfect matches and we wouldn't have to worry about rejections. Their faster growth rate can make that possible.

We were also hoping that maybe along the way, figure out how to save people's consciousness and upload them into AIs, so that they are somewhat immortal."

 

Donghae covers his face with his hands, feelling too overwhelmed by all the information. He didn't care to listen before because he was too overjoyed that Hyukjae is coming back to his life. “You brought him back! You can do it again, right?”

 

Leeteuk stares at the unhinged man. “Listen, Donghae. His body is technically very young, though physically, it's not. He may look twenty-one, but as time goes on, he will still be aging. That’s something we can never control.”

 

Donghae trembles. He finally had Hyukjae back, and he was ripped away from his life faster than Donghae could comprehend. Just as their lives were starting to align.

 

“Another factor that may have came in based on the other clones that we made was that, we couldn’t suppress his emotions or feelings,” Leeteuk continues. “He’s always in the extreme, and complicated feelings, like love, might have been too much for his body to handle. He simply had exhausted himself, we cannot salavage his deteriorating body.”

 

Donghae reaches for Hyukjae’s cold hand. It has hardened.

 

“He’s still human, there’s no doubt about that,” Leeteuk says. “But life is so fragile, isn’t it, Lee Donghae? There’s no telling when it’s going to begin and end. Yes, we can mess with it and put factors that may help it advance, but sooner or later, nature as powerful as it is, will set things straight. It demands attention, and it’s something that we can’t put up a long fight with.”

 

Leeteuk puts a hand on Donghae’s shoulder. “I’m sorry for your loss, Donghae.”

 

Donghae looks up, a scary determination etching to his face. “You can bring him back again, right?”

 

~

 

Hyukjae sighs, blowing hot air on Donghae’s sensitive neck, and he giggles, a heavenly sound. Donghae tickles Hyukjae, and this makes the latter laugh out loud. In their room, daylight filters through, touching their white sheets with a golden warmth. Dust floats in the air, where light touches a surface.

 

“Stop!” Hyukjae protests, laughing uncontrollably.

 

Donghae brings an arm around Hyukjae’s small waist, and he lifts him until he’s resting on top of Donghae. Hyukjae adjusts his legs so that they are straddling Donghae’s hips.

 

“What?” Hyukjae asks, looking into Donghae’s thoughtful eyes.

“Nothing.”

 

Hyukjae rests his head between the space of Donghae’s neck and his shoulder. “Breakfast?”

 

Donghae hums in response, but he doesn’t let Hyukjae get up.

 

“You’re going to have to let me go, Hae,” Hyukjae says.

“Why don’t you make me?” Donghae responds childishly.

 

“Yah!”

 

Donghae turns him over, and now, he’s on top of Hyukjae. He puts his weight against him, and he gives Hyukjae light pecks on his lips.

 

“You’re such an annoying puppy!” Hyukjae whines.

 

~

 

“Donghae, come on,” Hyukjae calls.

 

Donghae stomps ahead, letting his emotions get the better of him. He dodges people in the crowded pedestrian, keeping his gaze straight ahead. He is too stubborn to look back and get over his pride to reconcile with him.

 

“Fuck you, Lee Donghae!” Hyukjae shouts after him, he will say anything to get him to turn around. “I do want to marry you, okay?! Just listen to me and hear me out! You don’t get to walk away from me!”

 

It only takes a second, and the moment Donghae turns around, Hyukjae is gone from his sights. People crowded around one spot, and Donghae’s heart drops to his stomach.

 

“NO!” Donghae screams, the sound tearing from his throat.

 

Sirens wailed in the background.

 

~

 

Leeteuk gave him a week. If he doesn’t change his mind, then he and his team will recreate Hyukjae again, but the end result will never change. It will still be the same. Hyukjae will still die, and he will suffer from a strewn of emotions that he can never quite process. And this time, he might not even live for long either.

 

Donghae stays in Sungmin’s house, helping out with his children. His eldest child is turning twelve years old, so he helps out by decorating their house and setting up the party prizes. He helps bake the cake as well, and it reminds him of the younger Hyukjae that he had spent time with. He loved chocolate cake that they often baked it together.

 

He sighs heavily when he finally got a moment alone. He misses Hyukjae so badly. He didn’t want to live without him. He knew deep inside him that he didn’t care much about rules. He would gladly destroy the order of the world to get him back. He’ll even go to hell for him.

 

“Donghae,” Sungmin calls.

 

Donghae slightly turns to his direction, and the elder sits beside him.

 

“How you feeling?”

“Like shit,” Donghae drones.

 

Sungmin glances back when he hears laughter from inside the house. “There’s no doubt you love Hyukjae, but it’s time for him to rest. You can’t keep bringing him back just because you can’t bear to have him by your side.”

 

Donghae resigns, feeling his body crumpling.

 

“His life is so precious, Donghae,” Sungmin continues. “Don’t turn him into a person that will never be him. Sure, he’ll have his face, his traits and maybe aspects of his personality, but he’ll be tainted to the point where we won’t recognize him.”

 

Donghae feels a tear escape his eye.

 

“When I met the new Hyukjae, I could barely recognize him,” Sungmin says. “He wasn’t my brother, and he wasn’t your lover, at least, not all of him. Let him go, Donghae. Let him be.”

 

Sungmin hugs Donghae for a brief moment, and he gets back up to join his family.

 

Donghae had never felt so alone in his life.

 

~

 

“Tell me what to do,” Donghae angrily whispers to Hyukjae’s grave. “You can’t just leave me behind like this. Tell me how to let you go because I don't know how. You made me need you, made me love you that it made me disregard everything.”

 

Donghae clutches the bouquet of flowers in his hand.

 

“Please, Hyukjae. Tell me what to do,” Donghae begs and he bawls in front of his grave. He falls to his knees. "Tell me how to live without you."

 

He places the bouquet of flowers on top of Hyukjae’s grave.

 

The sky rumbles lowly, a sign that it will rain soon.

 

“I’m sorry,” Donghae utters out, his throat raw. “Forgive me for being such a fool. For turning my back on you when I should have stayed and listened. Damn it, I knew you loved me and you would have reasons for saying no...You always do things with purpose...”

 

Donghae’s body shakes as he sobs. “I’m sorry, Hyukjae.”

 

The rain comes down gently, as if it means to embrace Donghae and to comfort him. It tells him the coming of spring, where one can begin anew after a long, arduous winter. It asks Donghae that it’s okay to discard of his guilt, that slowly and surely, he can start to look up again but in a new direction.

 

It comes in a form of Hyukjae for a moment, and Donghae feels his warm embrace for the last time. In that fleeting second, he has his answer.

 

Donghae stands up, and he takes a deep breath.

 

I’ll see you soon, my love. We will meet again. 

 

END.


	8. Author's Notes

Hi guys!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read "Born Again."

It was inspired by (SNSD) Tiffany Young's song.

 

Theme of the chapters: 

"Creatio ex profundis"- creation, derived from chaos; there is darkness in life, creation from primal chaos

                    -There is "creatio ex nihilo" which is creation from nothing, a concept applied to God, when in the beginning, He had always been there, wherever that beginning is, God is infinite, and cannot be measured.

 

"Aphorism"- Nietzsche's philosphy; stuff about love, good and bad, psychodynamics, etc.

 

"In einen Abgrund"- German for into the Abyss

              -Donghae was really crazy in the beginning, but he and Hyukjae, in my opinion had some similarities. Hyukjae is the abyss, the dark, and Donghae literally didn't think twice to dive into him. Donghae's morals had become skewed. If you are with monsters long enough, you become them. (Not that Hyuk is a monster, it's just that he wasn't a natural birth, he was conceived in a lab.)

 

"Vassal"-person who owes allegiance or obligations to a monarch, someone on top (google definition)

 

*Each chapter had something to do with evil. The seven deadly sins incorporated, albeit subtly. Not all of them are very apparent, but I did make a big deal about lust and greed-in a way, humans have desires. 

 

~

 

Why it turned out like this...I don't know. From the beginning I wanted to make it darker than it is, but then realized that the way I wrote the other chapters requires that I turn into a more scientific approach. I was going to make it into like a cult thing...but I think I will save that for later XD. I'll write a bit of fluff here and there first to balance the angst.

 

Anyways, when I was a freshman in high school, I was talking to my favorite science teacher about the concept of clones. I asked if there is a way to prolong our DNA, to make it generate so that we won't age. He said no, and even if we transfer our DNA to like a young body (theoretically) our DNA will continue to age, there's no reversing it. Pretty cool, right? There was this experiment a long time ago, where they cloned a sheep or cow, or something, and the clone ended up dying. It died early, if I'm not wrong. Its DNA continued to age. 

 

I really like blurring the lines between good and bad. Especially, in science, because we can see how cruel humans can be. Science is something we can do because with the right resources, I think we can make advances our ancestors had never thought of. It's attainable because we are pretty smart. Especially in our society that is moving towards the future really quickly, things can go awry if we don't watch ourselves. Future advances and changes aren't a bad thing-in fact, I welcome them and applaud new technologies and ideas, but we just need to keep our humanity. So think, along the way. Search for facts, search for the truth and never stop asking questions. Never stop asking the world if we're doing the right thing. Sometimes when we don't think, that's when we may hurt people the most. 

**Author's Note:**

> Available in  
> AFF: https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1389412/born-again  
> Live journal: https://angelicafowl.livejournal.com/607.html  
> Chinese (translated by a friend): http://huangjou.lofter.com/post/1d59b1cc_12e4f64d7


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